Here is Obi, the therapy dog. He is not perfect. And he is loved.
In a previous blog post, we talked about core beliefs and the consequences that negative self talk can have on your overall mood and functioning. Today, let’s look at some specific (and unfortunately quite common) core beliefs that are self-defeating. Perhaps the most detrimental core belief is the idea of perfectionism, that you must strive to be flawless in all your endeavors in order to validate who you are or who you think you should be. Here is a brief overview of perfectionism and why it’s ineffective:
Core beliefs like perfectionism are especially damaging because they are built on unrealistic expectations and inaccurate assumptions. These beliefs assume that there is a link between your value as a person and some unattainable goal outside yourself. Examples might include…
“I am only worthy if I am perfect.”
“I am only worthy if I am productive.”
“I am only worthy if other people approve of me.”
All of these beliefs are self-destructive and based on a falsehood. They mistakenly imply that your worth as a human being is dependent on an external source, like your work, achievements, or other people’s opinions. This means that your self esteem is directly tied to things you “must” do, as well as things that are outside your control– and this is a very unstable way to live that can easily spiral into uncontrollable anxiety and stress and worry about the future. To change this unhealthy core belief, it’s essential to recognize that your worth originates from your being. Your mere existence gives you inherent value. Maybe you’ve heard that expression, “I am a human BEING, not a human DOING.” You are alive; therefore, you are worthy.
Don’t believe me? Let’s go back to Obi, the therapy dog. He does not have a job or education. He will never own property, have a fortune, or make any noteworthy achievements. And yet, he is still deserving of love, kindness, respect, and acceptance. He deserves to be taken care of and to have his physical and emotional health needs met. So if that little dog is worthy of love, then surely you, as a human being are worthy too.
If you’re ready to give up on perfection and strive for real and internal self-growth, here is an incredible resource to get you started with the process of self-acceptance: “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Really Are” by Brene Brown.
If you are struggling and tired of living up to unattainable expectations, then we want to help! Contact us today to set up an appointment. Call 540-684-1198 or email rae@counseling-connect.com. We look forward to connecting with you!