How many of us have anxiety or a feelings of inadequacy?
How many of us feel the need to try to control every situation around us?
How many of us are feeling frustrated or stressed more often than not?
Congratulations! You’re a human living in a society that that tells us we have to deal with overwhelming stress while pretending that we’re “fine”.
Between extreme consumerism, social media, and the pressure to be “perfect” – we are essentially losing identities and our sanity because we are conditioned to compete with each other and compare ourselves unfavorably to others. On top of that, we’re still experiencing the effects of a global pandemic that turned everything we knew as normal upside down.
Here’s the good news: You ARE enough. Perfection doesn’t exist, and even if it did, it wouldn’t be worthwhile. The only thing we can control are our own thoughts and actions.
Our behaviors and thought patterns are the coping mechanisms and safety nets we have learned to help us adapt and maintain stability. Whether they are helpful or not, coping mechanisms help us to survive in our environment. But when coping mechanisms stop working, it means that it’s time for a change.
Developing effective coping skills starts with self-care. Effective self-care is about setting boundaries- not only for ourselves, but also for the world around us. We can practice self-compassion and self-respect by keeping promises we’ve made to ourselves and setting limits to keep us safe and well. This is also how we can teach other people how to treat us. If we never say “no” and neglect our own needs, then it teaches others that they don’t have to take care of us because we don’t take care of ourselves. The goal of boundary setting is to re-center ourselves when the world feels overwhelming.
Here are some examples of appropriate boundary setting:
*Saying no to social engagements because you’re exhausted.
*Declining to take on extra responsibilities (at work, at home, and in the community).
*Doing your best, according to your own goals and expectations, instead of trying to “measure up” to other people’s standards or societal pressures.
*Showing yourself grace and compassion, especially when you don’t get the outcomes you expected.
*Putting your oxygen mask on first and not having to feel guilty for resting when you need to.
*Purposefully NOT seeking perfection.
*Letting go of toxic behaviors and relationships (with people, things, food, habits, etc.).
*Emotional validation: Acknowledging that you are having a feeling and not judging yourself for it. (e.g. “I feel sad and that is OK.”).
*Thought Stopping and giving yourself permission to not worry about things you cannot control. For example, saying to yourself, “nope, we’re not going to go down that rabbit hole”, or “this is not something I have to worry about right now.”
*Meditation / Mindfulness – these take practice, but can be effective over time. By becoming aware of your body and mind and how you are feeling in each moment, you gain a better understanding and more positive and realistic perspective of yourself and your surroundings.
*Reminding yourself that the goal is progress, not perfection. You are good enough WITH your imperfections.
Finally and perhaps, most importantly, when it comes to setting boundaries– tell yourself over and over and over: “I am worthy of kindness and compassion from myself and others; and I must take care of myself if I expect to take care of anyone else.”