By Sivonna Stringham, Resident in Counseling
July is not only a month to celebrate America’s independence, but it’s also a month that recognizes the grief behind the loss of a child, a sibling, or a grandchild, also known as Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Grief is a complex emotion that not many know what to do with. Many people struggle to acknowledge their grief and instead try to bury the emotion and continue life in a “normal” structure, and others may not know where to start with their grief process. One of the most important things for a parent(s) going through bereavement is that they have support from people around them.
There are many ways to help and support those going through losing a child. National Today states that ignoring the topic of the child altogether makes the situation worse (2024). While it’s not easy to talk about the loss, it is one of the vital ways to receive healing. Parents going through the grieving process need to know they are not alone in the process, which is why Bereaved Parents Awareness Month was created, as well as to help others become knowledgeable with the topic and resources (National Today, 2024).
According to the Kubler-Ross model, a model that is more commonly known, there are five stages of grief which are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Cruse Bereavement Support, 2024). Although the stages are set, it does not mean that every person experiences the stages in the exact order. There is a newer model that has been defined for the stages of grief and bereavement, which is known as the Transformational Stages of Grief, developed by John Schneider. The stages of this model are: 1) The initial awareness of loss; 2) Attempts at limiting awareness by holding on; 3) Attempts at limiting awareness by letting go; 4) Awareness of the extent of the loss; 5) Gaining perspective on the loss; 6) Resolving the loss; 7) Reformulating loss in the context of growth; and 8) Transforming loss into new levels of attachment. Grief is not linear; rather it is complex. Grief is an emotion that needs to run its course, just as any emotion. The longer grief is not felt after a loss, the more complicated the experience can be.
So what can be done for those that know someone going through bereavement or are currently experiencing bereavement?
Don’t rush the process of grief. Find people you can connect with, whether they are friends and family or a support group. Sometimes there’s nothing that can be said, meaning silence can be the best thing and a physical presence can mean more than words. Sharing memories about the child(ren) and saying their name(s) can also be impactful and meaningful, so don’t be afraid to do so. Talking to a grief counselor can also be beneficial during times of grief. Even something as simple as bringing a home-cooked meal is helpful for those experiencing bereavement.
To conclude, losing someone is an experience that is difficult for everyone and everyone experiences grief differently. There is no right or wrong. What’s important is support and love from your team of people. Know that it’s okay to have difficult days. Know that it’s okay to talk about difficult stuff. Know that it’s okay to not be okay and that you don’t have to say something to “fix” things. Just be a presence for those experiencing the loss- presence can speak more volumes than words.
Sources:
https://nationaltoday.com/bereaved-parents-awareness-month
https://www.anishamauze.com/2017/03/the-5-stages-of-grief-and-why-they-may.html?m=1